Don’t let a romance scam break your heart as well as your bank balance

John’s story

John, a widower of three years, innocently fell in love and was tricked into giving away just over £25,000 in barely six months.

John met Margaret on an online platform. They had both commented on an article concerning the closure of John’s local pub. John had no children or siblings, just a small group of friends through his local bowling club which he’d joined six months before his wife’s death.

He learned that Margaret lived in a rural location on the west coast of America, she’d moved there with her husband from the town that John lived in. Sadly, her husband had also passed away three years ago.

A few days later, Margaret messaged John directly on the same platform and they exchanged email addresses. And that’s how their relationship started – very innocently over email.

They got to know each other quite quickly, sometimes emailing up to ten times a day. They talked about current affairs, their backgrounds – they’d had similar childhood experiences and had been widowed around the same time. They shared photographs with each other, as friends usually do. They had a lot in common, it seemed.

After three weeks of constant messages, Margaret told John that she loved him and was looking for a relationship.

When did the financial abuse start?

A month after her declaration of love, Margaret contacted John to say that her car had broken down and that she couldn’t afford to fix it. She asked John if he wouldn’t mind sending her £500 to help cover the costs, and so that she could continue to support her elderly mother-in-law.

This was the first of several payments John made to Margaret, culminating in the transfer of £9,000 to cover the costs of a new car. All in all, John transferred in excess of £25,000 to Margaret via a number of smaller payments.

In addition to these payments, Margaret celebrated a birthday and had a fall that needed medical treatment, and requested money to help with this. All of these messages were sent via email.

Any time John asked for a video or voice call Margaret was unable to speak, either because of the time difference or because there were issues with her internet access.

How did it escalate?

Six months after they first started messaging each other, Margaret asked John if he wanted to move to America to live with her. With no family in the UK and a strong connection with Margaret, John agreed to move across. He put his house on the market the following week.

John’s financial adviser identifies the scam

In preparation for his move to America, John contacted his financial adviser to make them aware of his intentions. He asked to withdraw £10,000 from his investments to help pay for his relocation including visas, international shipping etc.

As this was completely out of character for John, his adviser sensitively asked some questions around the seemingly hasty move, his relationship with Margaret and the urgent need for money. John’s adviser quickly recognised that this had all the hallmarks of a romance scam. He asked John if he would hold off making the withdrawal for a few days out of concern that this may not be in his best interests.

At the same time, John’s adviser contacted the investment holding firm. They offered to liaise with the police on John's behalf, allowing specially trained police officers to speak with John directly.

What happened next?

John was contacted by local police who provided support and guidance. John was quite shocked at first, and it took some time to fully comprehend the web of lies he’d been drawn into over the last six months. After speaking with friends he stopped all contact with Margaret. John then contacted his local Victim Support unit who provided further advice and support on romance scams, giving him the confidence to report the scam to the police via Action Fraud and his bank.

This scenario, including the names of the people, is made up and not representative of any particular person. It is however, based on real life romance scams and shows the typical methods used by scammers. This sort of example isn’t unique and our advisers have experienced similar with their customers.

What is romance fraud?

Romance fraud is when a criminal uses a fake profile to form a relationship with you. These fraudsters sometimes, but not solely, target online widow and divorce pages. They’re preying on vulnerable people who may be lonely. They gain your trust, finding out personal information about you and creating fake stories so it seems like you have a lot in common.

They then start inventing reasons for needing money, anything from emergency situations, funds for travel to visit you or asking you to take out a loan for them in your name. There will often be a promise of paying you back.

A total of £36.5 million was lost to romance scams in 2023, an increase of 17% when compared with 2022, reports UK Finance. This is the highest total loss and the highest number of cases (4,160) ever reported. Victims are often convinced to make multiple, generally smaller payments, to the criminal over a longer period compared to other fraud types. As a result, romance scams have an average of ten scam payments per case.¹

What to look out for when you meet someone new online

We’re working with Take Five to Stop Fraud, a national campaign led by UK Finance, to raise awareness of romance scams. Here are their top tips to look out for:

• They declare strong feelings for you after a few conversations
  
  
• They suggest moving off the app or channel
  
  
• Their stories aren’t consistent with their profile. You can check the person you’re talking to by uploading a picture of them into your search engine and performing a reverse image search. However, this might not always identify a criminal
  
  
• They claim their camera isn’t working or come up with reasons not to speak or video call
  
  
• They ask for money for emergencies or to visit you
  
  
• They ask you to take out a loan in your name, which means you’d be liable for the repayments
  
  
• They ask you to lie to your bank – this is a scam and it’s illegal

How you can protect yourself and your family or friends

• Never send anyone money you haven’t met or have only met a handful of times
  
  
• Ask yourself, is this person legitimate? Always consider the possibility of a scam
  
  
• Talk to friends or family about people you match with or have met online
  
  
• Look out for friends or family who become secretive about their online relationships or get defensive when you ask why they haven’t met in person, they could be becoming a victim of romance fraud

More information and support

Don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed if you think you’ve been targeted in a romance scam. These fraudsters are professional criminals who are particularly good at what they do. You’re not alone – reach out to get help – speak to a friend, family or your adviser. It’s also important to tell your bank if you’ve lost money in this way – they’re here to help.