"I am mentally stronger" - Andrew Relf, Security Consultancy Manager, shares his story on how his life changed forever

As a Disability Confident employer, we recognise the value of diversity and believe that an inclusive and equitable culture is critical to our success. Enabling colleagues to be able to do their best work through resources and inclusive policies is essential to this.

We spoke to our colleague Andrew Relf, Security Consultancy Manager, who shares his story on how the trajectory of his life changed forever following a road traffic accident and how we have supported Andrew with making adaptations to cater to his needs.

Andrew’s story

Before joining M&G, I was involved in a road traffic accident where I was knocked off my motorcycle whilst waiting at traffic lights and suffered a severe spinal injury. The nerves were severed at the root of my spine, resulting in total paralysis of my left arm and torso and partial paralysis of my diaphragm, neck and back.

I've been lucky to receive excellent medical treatment, regaining the limited function of my left arm after complex surgery and four years of intensive rehabilitation. I have only recently stopped regular physiotherapy and will require intermittent treatment and ongoing pain management for the rest of my life.

Whilst the physical consequences of the accident are profound and life-long, the psychological impact was and continues to be devastating. I still find it particularly difficult to talk about the mental impact this has had. As someone who was physically active and had a busy and rewarding career, the shock of the change in my lifestyle is still challenging to come to terms with, especially as the accident occurred soon after the birth of my first daughter, who was just seven weeks old at the time.

Having twice negotiated short-lived discharges home, eight of the ten weeks after the accident were spent in hospital. This time away left me feeling guilty, and I will never get the lost weeks back. Those early days were especially dark and still far too painful to discuss at length. Rehab oscillates from pessimism to optimism and back as small progressions are made, often several months apart.
Having a long-term disability grinds you down with constant frustration. I find it difficult or even impossible to manage certain daily activities that most people would do without thought. I often worry about the burden I placed on my wife and family, repeatedly trying (and failing) to do things I know I'm not capable of.

Only in the last few months to a year have I started to accept the psychological impact, not letting my disability define me but instead focusing on what I can do. Now when I look back, I can say that I have survived. I am mentally stronger and have a clear vision of what is important to me.

Whilst the accident predates my employment with M&G, the flexible working arrangements here were a big motivator for my joining.

I have always worked a compressed week whilst at M&G, which until October 2022 was to support a ‘rehabilitation day’, as I would have 4 hours of physiotherapy in hospital on a Monday. Since then, I have used the Mondays to spend time with my young daughters, as the psychological impact of the accident has taught me that this time with them at their young ages of 4 and 2 is precious.

Reframing later life

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